Sunday, July 26, 2009

An Ocean of Skeletons in Ostend

the ropes tied tight
suspend us
above a death hungry audience
in an opera house
on a stage
above the street
above a marketplace

we become a bright chandelier
helpless but to glow

in this state
the only action we see
is falling
and that is enough

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

bill evans



lock my keys in the apt
leave my phone at the beach
sleep on the snowy roof

dream myself onto a school bus
heading to an amusement park
i have my phone in the dream
i receive many calls in succession
your message reads, "call your momz k bye"
another reads, "check your email"

the email from mom states that i have been spending too much on "lunch money"

meet with my mother at a starbucks
they only offer one different drink
because i complain
they do not decorate my plate
with french fries and salad
like they do my mothers.
she offers me her food still
and tells me i have spent more on "cafeteria lunch"
than she and my father have spent on food this month
combined

i am in a high school class room
its near christmas break, a different feeling about the air from the rest of the year
in health class i watch from a projection screen:
footage of trey anastasio playing the guitar in a santa hat.
i am in the front row
i begin to cry at the rambling despair seamlessly pouring from his instrument.
you tap me on the shoulder
i turn around
embarrassed that others may see me in this state
you whisper in my ear, smiling coyly,
"that's you in 20 years"


in the morning
when my landlord finds the door to the roof wide open
he walks out
and kicks me in the side of the stomach
i ask if he has the keys
he says no
i collect myself and walk to the train

Friday, July 17, 2009

little bugs

the smell of food
or urine
the sun makes me sweat
the train is filled with people
they too
make me sweat
when i wake up its too hot to sleep
last night a terrible bug flew about my head
i stayed awake until i felt it land on my neck
before it could put its stinger in me
and leave its saliva in my skin
i squashed it
once before i squashed one
during the day time,
while the sun was still out
and it was full of blood
my blood.
(all red with the oxycodone i snorted before grand papap's birthday party)
i go to the kitchen window to smoke a cigarette
beforelong i realize i have begun to shout at passerbys
on the sidewalk
one old robot lady with terrible pigeon eyes
glares at me from the park across the street
her eyes say something to me
in the pigeon eyed language of an old robot lady
i am screaming,
"they're spawning!"
and she is watching me
from across the street in the park
and through her wrinkles her pigeon eyes are speaking
in the language of an old robot lady
of the lives of all the little bugs who happen across my blood
who are soaring high up in the sky

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

benders

love is disarming a bomb
the explosion a bourgeoisie rose
blooms worse than addiction to war
a bomb in a body unstitches surefire means to wound a friend
devotion is subconscious
i am awake
i am not there
cutting wires spawns intuitive attraction
it dissipates in a white washed infirmary unless
artifacts are kept under the bed
unless the triggers are stored as reminders
in a curious crate
to swallow pride is picking up yr prescriptions
in silence
juice boxes are boyhood comraderie

new format

gonna try a new format for these posts.

morning for me:

wake up at 8:30 am
unsure if its really my alarm clock
go back to sleep for another hour
scared because i have no socks on
finally rouse at 9:40
call boss (no answer)
think of smoking a roach, but don't (still regret)
frantic cig search
go to store buy more cigs
ride subway with murakami's subconscious overflowing into a mental apocalyptic adventure
sleepyhead (or swing tree) and dark was the night
wholesale vendors smoking cig

"hard enough getting into this world, why would i want to be born again?" - fucked up

Friday, July 3, 2009

all my old friends aren't so friendly

I don't say i love you cause the way i feel is greater

The Roots - Water
Death Cab for Cutie - Summer Skin

check it

Lovin's for Fools