Tuesday, July 21, 2009
lock my keys in the apt
leave my phone at the beach
sleep on the snowy roof
dream myself onto a school bus
heading to an amusement park
i have my phone in the dream
i receive many calls in succession
your message reads, "call your momz k bye"
another reads, "check your email"
the email from mom states that i have been spending too much on "lunch money"
meet with my mother at a starbucks
they only offer one different drink
because i complain
they do not decorate my plate
with french fries and salad
like they do my mothers.
she offers me her food still
and tells me i have spent more on "cafeteria lunch"
than she and my father have spent on food this month
i am in a high school class room
its near christmas break, a different feeling about the air from the rest of the year
in health class i watch from a projection screen:
footage of trey anastasio playing the guitar in a santa hat.
i am in the front row
i begin to cry at the rambling despair seamlessly pouring from his instrument.
you tap me on the shoulder
i turn around
embarrassed that others may see me in this state
you whisper in my ear, smiling coyly,
"that's you in 20 years"
in the morning
when my landlord finds the door to the roof wide open
he walks out
and kicks me in the side of the stomach
i ask if he has the keys
he says no
i collect myself and walk to the train